PARAGRAPH OF A NOBODY

Neither of her grandmothers was at Clare College with the present heir to the Viscountcy. Nor has she ever been to a ball in May, or any other month of the year for that matter.  She is somewhere above oik and below poodle-faker. She is no relation at all to Nettie Honeyball, Captain of the British Ladies Football team in 1895. She has never met anyone called Hugo, who wasn't dead or Spanish. She was never sent down from Cambridge for cheating at cards, for keeping a bear, or for flogging a valet while wearing the incorrect attire. She has flogged coat hangers, bingo pens and illicit contraband. She was sent to Coventry from Norwich (knickers off ready when I conceal heroin) by means of mutual exchange with an alcoholic whose wife had died of crack.  She is nobody of consequence.