Lev Kamenev, The Dictatorship of the Proletariat.
I will miss very much your Old Speckled Hen.
It was the last thing he said to me before going back to Moscow. The hangover got by way of too many Mad Monk Vodkas would pass, but I’d remember his fondness for English real ales - rough, self-assured, but not without subtlety, much like his sense of humour. His reactions were quick and acute. It was evident that he was no friend of long explanations. He regarded Molotov as very close comrade and only member of Politburo who could make decent cocktail.
He ate food in quantities that would have been enormous even for much larger man. He usually chose meat, sign of his mountain origins. He also liked all kinds of local specialities, but I did not notice that any one dish was particular favourite. On his last night he tried his first American-style burger from British Chinese chip shop take away.
- Enjoy yourself, get fat and never stop laughing. This was Comrade Lenin’s maxim. Gorky Park was great place for Kuhlich picnic…
-… before the Bolshevik putsch swept the hopes of the February revolution into the gutter, I interjected.
But it was no use: after the local schoolchildren’s musical performance, Stalin was in party mood.
- McDonald’s. McDonald’s. Kentucky Fried Chicken and Pizza Hut. Is catchy tune, no?
- Yes, Josef. That’s the point.
- I thought Healthy Eating Week launch was point of evening show.
- Me too… You couldn’t hear anything at the back, apart from that advertising jingle. The whole show was a mess.
- I thought you liked, how is it said, chaos.
- Structurelessness is tyranny, not anarchy. Co-operation need not be chaotic.
- Psst! Theory. Don’t give me theory. I want two double 42nd Street burgers made from purest cuts of beef just like it say on capitalist poster.
- Capitalism is pants.
- Ah! You anarchists always complaining. Vladimir was right. So infantile. Grow up. Be man. Eat some meat.
The meat looked insipid. The poster was red and shiny and promised a new world order devoid of salad and joined up thinking.
Fast Food's Most Decadent Burger Arrives
Triple Ultimate Cheeseburger for purists.
Three beef patties, two slices of American cheese, one slice of Swiss cheese, mayo, onion sauce and a jumbo bun. It’s a clench-fisted burger sure to satisfy the fool-hardiest of appetites.
Remember: real men don’t do salad.
[Meets and surpasses the new meat laws]
- The newspaper on the counter says the FSB put Polonium-210 in Sasha's tea.
- Do not believe a word. Putin knows from his grandfather never to mix radioactive isotope with liquid. For sure is classic Piroshki ingredient. Now shut up and let me eat crazy dead cow from MI5 in peace.
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