Once in the city of Bethlehem there was a cruel ruler. Feared by those whose territories he had taken in the days after the second great war, he governed with a heavy hand. The potentate had made an alliance with powerful friends in the west. To the east lay great economic miracles of boom and bust the likes of which the world had never seen. To the south spread popular malcontent among the peasantry. To the north the great ices were about to melt as Armageddon drew near. In the name of the ancient scriptures, the will of the people was surpressed, they were denied their land, their water and their human rights. Schoolchildren had to take their lessons in the streets under armed guard. The threat to the local community from the potentate's soldiers was clear and present.
In spite of this, Mary and Joseph were determined to have a well earned winter break there. Not since he played the third wiseman in the nativity play at school had Joseph thought of Bethlehem. It was a Christmas thing. He still wondered why he hadn't been chosen to play Joseph. The kid they picked had these feet. Jesus! When he took his socks off... You could smell them the other side of the classroom. Joseph thanked God that he'd been given the frankincense.
Mary had played Mary, funnily enough. She adored Joseph, but she didn't think much of his romantic Christmas break idea. She was due in two weeks and didn't really want to tempt fate. It was their bloody names! Had they been called Frank and Sally no one would've given it a second thought. But every Christmas they get the same thing. The funny-you-being-called-Mary & Joseph brigade have been worse than ever now that Mary was eight months gone
- It's a lovely idea and all Joseph, but don't you think it's a bit dangerous at the moment.
- This is Israel not Palestine Mary.
- That's not what it said on the other website. They said it's in Palestine. Then there is the bloody wall. Oh no Joseph.
The journey to their double room (booked in advance, online) in the Bethlehem Hotel had passed without incident until they reached the edge of the city. There, they were detained by the keepers of the gate. The walls of Jericho were guarded by the Israelite Army, who had stopped a suicide bomber. Stripped to his underwear, he turned out to be an unarmed suicide bomber. The Israelites slaughtered him anyway. His wife had ventured to intervene. She too was slain.
In the bar the next day, while they were sipping non-alcoholic cocktails, they met a couple from Little Rock, on their first ever trip outside Arkansas. They were premillenial dispensationalists who had decided to retire to Zion. They had come to Bethlehem, to visit the birth place of Jesus and check out the real estate.
- Frank and I were headed for our Lord's birthplace, Sally was saying in between sips, when we saw a real neat duplex apartment just across the street.
- Ideal nativity location. Prime real estate. Great views of the barn, her husband added.
- Stable Frank, stable.
- Look Frank, can I be frank? Joseph interjected.
- That's a good one Joe. Never heard that one before. Sure. Shoot. What's your beef?
- Why would you want to move to a location you believed was the setting for the end of the world?
- Well, you see Joseph, Sally explained, this is where the end will be. But it is also the site of the ascension in the moment of truth. The time of the revelation will be here. If you're not here then you'll miss out. There will be no afterlife for the unchosen.
Frank looked at Sally, his eyebrows raised towards the(ir) heavens.
- There's no point tryin' explain to an non-believer Sal'.
- Quite frankly, it all sounds like a bit of a long shot Frank.
- Now I have to agree with you there Joey. That's why Sal and I, the kids and the grandkids have got access to the government thing under the Colorado mountains. The President's got exactly the same plan. You gotta have insurance Joey.
- Joseph! Joseph! Mary suddenly erupted. My waters have just burst.
Thanks to a private medical insurance scam Frank had going, Mary went through the hospital records as Noemi Goldberg, an employee of Frank's. She had her own room, TV, fresh flowers, fruit and water. They named the baby after the doctor, the father and Frank's attorney. Little Mohammad Joseph Goldberg was born at 1.03am on 25 December 1999AD.
Frank and Sally are still waiting for ascension in Zion. Joseph got a job as a French polisher in Barcelona. So, they're moving there in the new year. Mary's got a feeling there's a second on the way. This time it'll be a girl. Madonna she'll call her.
In spite of this, Mary and Joseph were determined to have a well earned winter break there. Not since he played the third wiseman in the nativity play at school had Joseph thought of Bethlehem. It was a Christmas thing. He still wondered why he hadn't been chosen to play Joseph. The kid they picked had these feet. Jesus! When he took his socks off... You could smell them the other side of the classroom. Joseph thanked God that he'd been given the frankincense.
Mary had played Mary, funnily enough. She adored Joseph, but she didn't think much of his romantic Christmas break idea. She was due in two weeks and didn't really want to tempt fate. It was their bloody names! Had they been called Frank and Sally no one would've given it a second thought. But every Christmas they get the same thing. The funny-you-being-called-Mary & Joseph brigade have been worse than ever now that Mary was eight months gone
- It's a lovely idea and all Joseph, but don't you think it's a bit dangerous at the moment.
- This is Israel not Palestine Mary.
- That's not what it said on the other website. They said it's in Palestine. Then there is the bloody wall. Oh no Joseph.
The journey to their double room (booked in advance, online) in the Bethlehem Hotel had passed without incident until they reached the edge of the city. There, they were detained by the keepers of the gate. The walls of Jericho were guarded by the Israelite Army, who had stopped a suicide bomber. Stripped to his underwear, he turned out to be an unarmed suicide bomber. The Israelites slaughtered him anyway. His wife had ventured to intervene. She too was slain.
In the bar the next day, while they were sipping non-alcoholic cocktails, they met a couple from Little Rock, on their first ever trip outside Arkansas. They were premillenial dispensationalists who had decided to retire to Zion. They had come to Bethlehem, to visit the birth place of Jesus and check out the real estate.
- Frank and I were headed for our Lord's birthplace, Sally was saying in between sips, when we saw a real neat duplex apartment just across the street.
- Ideal nativity location. Prime real estate. Great views of the barn, her husband added.
- Stable Frank, stable.
- Look Frank, can I be frank? Joseph interjected.
- That's a good one Joe. Never heard that one before. Sure. Shoot. What's your beef?
- Why would you want to move to a location you believed was the setting for the end of the world?
- Well, you see Joseph, Sally explained, this is where the end will be. But it is also the site of the ascension in the moment of truth. The time of the revelation will be here. If you're not here then you'll miss out. There will be no afterlife for the unchosen.
Frank looked at Sally, his eyebrows raised towards the(ir) heavens.
- There's no point tryin' explain to an non-believer Sal'.
- Quite frankly, it all sounds like a bit of a long shot Frank.
- Now I have to agree with you there Joey. That's why Sal and I, the kids and the grandkids have got access to the government thing under the Colorado mountains. The President's got exactly the same plan. You gotta have insurance Joey.
- Joseph! Joseph! Mary suddenly erupted. My waters have just burst.
Thanks to a private medical insurance scam Frank had going, Mary went through the hospital records as Noemi Goldberg, an employee of Frank's. She had her own room, TV, fresh flowers, fruit and water. They named the baby after the doctor, the father and Frank's attorney. Little Mohammad Joseph Goldberg was born at 1.03am on 25 December 1999AD.
Frank and Sally are still waiting for ascension in Zion. Joseph got a job as a French polisher in Barcelona. So, they're moving there in the new year. Mary's got a feeling there's a second on the way. This time it'll be a girl. Madonna she'll call her.
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