Dockless disease disaster that no-one really needs
Bike share schemes have gone down well
- right to the bottom of the ship canal.
Why don't you scan and go to hell?
Oh no! It's an OFO...
The Bike Share King's a billionaire
In Beijing they're everywhere
The gig economy's where it's at
As you pedal like a twat
This is how it feels to get nowhere fast
On a chunk of black and yellow crap
Controlled by a communist capitalist app
Why not scan and go to hell?
Oh fuck, it's an OFO!
The boyz in da hood are lean
Pimp up dem bumblebee mean
Re-cycle for free! Take a skanky chav ride
On the wrong side of the roadman
A big yellow taxi for a junky in a hurry
Give your mates a backie as you carry home a curry
Don't worry, you won't have to pay
Scan and go to hell, it's an only OFO
Fly off the kerb like you don't care
Take a liberty with security
Crack off the lock, knock off the block
Fuck it, it's only an OFO
It's cheaper than a moped, it must be said
A Vespa would be faster; a Lambretta much better
But all you've got is an OFO... and it's pants!
You'll never win Le Tour de France,
Kiss ciao ciao to the Giro a Italia,
Wave adios to La Vuelta a Espanya,
Eee by gum you'll win nowt in t'Tour de Yorkshire on that lad!
Piled sky high in Shanghai
Buried underground in Chengdu
Nobody knows just what to do?
In graveyards, millions of bikes lie
Unlocked and unrented; unwanted and unloved
On the cycle lane to hell,
A slow escalator of death harvests your data,
Sold on later to a one-party dictator
A corrupt fat cat who couldn't give a toss
His gain is our loss... Scan and go to hell!
The visually impaired are scared;
The pavement's a no-go zone
It's an anti-social movement, immobilised by phone
Time you effed off OFO? And left us alone!
You'll not get a puncture,
But you might get a hernia
Cos like Jeremy Clarkson,
It's shit in Top Gear!
Smack the bike up when you're done
Toss it aside when you've had your fun
Scan and go to hell and back on an OFO!
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